"I have learned that people will forget what you said; people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
"Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. You must learn to be still in the midst of activity and be vibrantly alive in repose."
There is nothing worse than going through a break-up alone.
A relationship break-up or divorce can be completely devastating. The feeling of loss, rejection, and loneliness can be so overwhelming that most people fear they will never love or be loved again. You might feel that you might never be able to trust again, or feel that same spark.
The emotional pain of a break-up or divorce is similar to what we experience with the death of a loved one.
The difference is that physically everyone is ok, but both partners, particularly the one that is rejected, go through tremendous mixed emotions that range from wanting to reconcile and moving on.
The stages of a break-up or divorce might include:
This is a stage where you are still in desbelief. It almost seems like you are waiting to wake up from a nightmare. If your partner left you, you are still hoping that he might change his mind. You might even expect him to walk through the door and say, "It was just a dream."
Reality is starting to set in, and the feelings of shock/denial start to turn into anger. You might feel anger towards the other person for leaving you and for causing you emotional pain.
This is the stage of a break-up where you will plead to reverse the situation. If you've lost a family member, you might ask God to bring him back in exchange for an offer in return. If your partner wants to end the relationship, you might try to bargain with him, "If you stay, It will be better. I promise."
Finally you realize that it is really over. She is not coming back. The anxiety is now gone. Enter depression. You feel alone, down and withdrawn. It feels like there is no end in sight. This stage, like the ones before it, is also temporary but it can last up to 6 months or more, depending on how serious the relationship was.
This is the final stage, and the best one for obvious reasons. You haven't forgotten what happened, but you are able to look at it with a fresh new perspective. The memories of the relationship might come back every now and then, but rarely last.
Source: New England Journal of Medicine, 2005
Allow time for grieving and recovery.
Quite often, many people make the mistake of finding someone else too quickly to fill that "hole". While it may bring some comfort at first, this move seldom works out in the long run. First, you are not emotionally healed to cope with the stress of a new relationship. Second, your emotions are not strong enough for another heart break, if it were to happen again.
This person who left you is not coming back, and you are much better off without this individual. Not because he is a bad person, but because he no longer feels the same way for you. Think how miserable you would be if you were stuck in a relationship with someone that doesn't reciprocate your feelings.
A break-up is also a major life-changing event. During this time, you will notice many of the things that you might have taken for granted such as friends, family, nature, etc. This is the time for introspection and to ask yourself, where am I going in life? Why am I really hurt?
You might become more attentive to other people in need, or people who might be going through the same situation. In sum, this is the time to find yourself again, and take advantage of these moments to learn from all of this, to better yourself and to appreciate all the things that most people take for granted
Please visit the following links:
Elliott, Susan J. Getting Past Your Breakup: How To Turn A Devastating Loss Into The Best Thing That Ever Happened To You. 2009. Retrieved May, 4, 2012 from: http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast/
Riley, Mike. How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days. 2002;30-120. Three Rivers Press. 1 edition.
Wittstein, I. S., et al. Neurohumoral features of myocardial stunning due to sudden emotional stress. New England Journal of Medicine, 2005; 352(6), 539-548.
Updated: May 4, 2012
Article created: September 10, 2010